Are you confused by the strange glossary of terms used by politically active
right-wing Christians and organizations like Focus on the Family, the American
Family Association, the Catholic Campaign for America, the Eagle Forum, Women
Affirming Life, and the Christian Coalition? Wonder no more!
| Abraham Lincoln |
Was a Republican when the party
began 140 years ago, so he can be forgiven for freeing the slaves and
suppressing the right of individual states to pass conservative laws without
interference from Washington. Note: this definition of "states'
rights" does not apply if said states pass liberal laws. |
| ACLU |
Evil, because they defend parts of the Bill of Rights. See
"NRA." |
| Activist |
Anyone you disagree with. Thus, "activist" judges,
"activist" unions, "activist" school boards, and "activist"
homosexuals. |
| Adam and Steve |
As in, "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."
A clever saying you can use whenever you want to prove how brilliant and
original you are. |
| Agenda |
- All political objectives you oppose. Democrats, liberals, feminists,
environmentalists, and gays have "agendas." Right-wing politicians
have "hopes" and "dreams" and "godly plans
of action."
|
| Avoiding difficult questions |
There are a number of techniques to help right-wing fundamentalists avoid
difficult questions (like, if the Bible is inerrant, why does Leviticus 11:6 claim
that hares chew their cuds like cows? What about the hilarious scene in Exodus 17:8-11?).
These include: -
Repeat your original answer/argument using different language. Example: "If you
don't agree with me, you're going to Hell." "Please explain why you say that."
"People who don't believe in literal Biblical inerrancy are destined for
eternal damnation."
- Use loaded language. Example: He's not an abortionist, he's a "baby-murderer."
- Rely exclusively on certain verses of the Bible, while ignoring any verses that
contradict your position. For example, Leviticus 20:13 says that male homosexuality
is an abomination unto the Lord and a capital offense. Leviticus 19:19 forbids cross-breeding,
acne pimples, and wearing cotton-polyester blends (or any other kind of fabric blends).
- Make use of sweeping generalizations, particularly about the character and eventual
destination of anyone who disagrees with you.
- Resort to ad-hominem attacks. If someone questions your logic, he is a godless liberal
atheist who is destined for eternal damnation.
- If the facts are against you, quote Scripture. If Scripture is against you, it is
being misinterpreted by your opponent, who is deceived (q.v.). If both facts and Scripture
are against you,
shout and pound on the table. (This technique was invented by lawyers.)
- Change the subject. For example, someone says, "How can you say that Jesus is
in favor of preemptive war? Didn't he go to his death rather than cause harm to any
other human being?" Reply, "The Book of Revelation talks about—"
- Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. If some fact might embarrass you,
never reveal it. If someone else does, suppress it, deny it, or mock it. This is
the Bush administration's standard approach to science, particularly global warming.
- Become incredulous and indignant (the "how dare you?" gambit). Example:
"How dare you suggest that innocent civilians incarcerated at abu Ghraib were tortured!
You are dishonoring our fine military. You should be ashamed of yourself." This tactic
worked so well on Congressman Dick Durban (who suggested that the many verified reports
of torture and abuse in Iraq, Afghanistan, and abu Ghraib sounded like something out of
Nazi Germany rather than the United States) that he actually ended up apologizing for
offending our fine military.
- Denounce any fact that contradicts your position as a scurrilous rumor or a wild
accusation.
- Use a straw man. Find or create a piece of your opponent's argument
that you can easily knock down to make yourself look good and the opponent to look
bad. Example: "People who believe in the theory of evolution believe that God does
not exist, and therefore did not create the Universe, natural selection, or anything
else."
- Resort to name-calling and ridicule. Anyone who opposes you is by definition
a godless Commie liberal homosexual-loving bigot destined for eternal damnation.
- Hit and run. Responding to an opponent's questions and criticisms merely
dignifies his/her position.
- Question the other person's motives. Twist or amplify any fact to make
it appear that your opponent is biased, out only to fulfill his/her personal agenda.
Force your opponent onto the defensive. "I guess you just hate Jesus, don't you?"
- Invoke authority. If you can't come up with support from the Bible for your
position, surely some fundamentalist "scholar" has written something. "He's the
dean of the Closed Minds School of Theology, obviously he knows more than you do
about the subject."
- Play dumb. Whatever your opponent says, reply, "You're not making
the slightest bit of sense. You have no idea what logic is. You don't have any
facts to support you."
- Associate your opponent's charges with old news. (This is a variation on the
straw man argument.) For example, if someone asks whether Jesus would approve of torturing
someone to compel him to tell you what you want to hear, say, "That's ancient history,
and anyway, all the torture was carried out by privates and corporals."
- Take the "high road." Confess that you made some minor mistake
but that your opponent is blowing it out of all proportion, charging you with much worse
mistakes or crimes that are simply not true. Example: "So I slipped in calling a
first-month miscarriage a 'baby-killing.'" Remember, it's all about your
opponent's weaknesses.
- Paint the entire affair as too complex to understand. "The Lord moves
in mysterious ways."
- Reason backwards. "If there were any evidence that George W. Bush wanted
to go to Iraq so he could finish the job his father started, only more successfully, the
media would have uncovered it. Therefore, he wanted to go to Iraq because Saddam was
behind 9/11, just as Bush said he was."
- Demand that your opponent provide a complete solution to your problem.
Example: "Since you know so much, prove to me how an irreducibly complex system
like a human being could 'just happen.'"
- Fit the facts to your conclusion. "I am a physician, and I spent about half an
hour looking at a several-years-old, heavily doctored videotape of the patient. She is
not in a persistent vegetative state" — as subsequent facts proved — "so
people who want to fulfill her wishes and allow her to die with dignity
are murderers."
- Change the subject. "All this business about the book of Revelation
having been written as anti-Nero propaganda is nonsense. The Messiah would never stoop to
propaganda. The Messiah—"
- Emotionalize, antagonize, and goad your opponents. Make it all about them, the
godless queer-loving commie bigots.
- Demand proof from your opponent, preferably proof that is impossible to
come by. "You say that most of the book of Genesis was put into writing
around 925-910 BCE, by someone who hero-worshiped King David? What fundamentalist
Bible college teaches that? Show me your archeological evidence."
- Use false evidence. Quote from the book of Dalmatians or the book of
Amphibians, for example. The chances are excellent that the person you're talking
to can't tell the difference between Abraham and Moses anyway.
- Manufacture a new truth. If you can't come up with any facts to support
your position, appeal to fundamentalist religious authorities, authors, or leaders,
or invent new ones.
- Create a distraction. Example: If someone says, "I believe that
God created the Universe, including natural selection," say, "There
is nothing in the Bible to support your position."
|
| Bible-based |
Anything in the Bible you agree with. (Anything that contradicts your beliefs, like Jesus's command to love your enemies, should be ignored.) |
| Big government |
Federal social programs that attempt to construct a more
rational, fairer society. Proper government consists
of wastefully spending billions upon billons of tax dollars on inefficient
and otherwise prohibitively costly defense contracts, subsidies, and tax
breaks for corporations, and "The War on Drugs." |
| Born again |
Anyone who has experienced a personal spiritual awakening
that results in his (or sometimes her) agreement with your ideas and values.
Otherwise see "cult." Term can never be applied to homosexuals. |
| Boycott |
God's preferred method of social change. If the targeted
organization capitulates to a boycott, it is proof of "the power
of God to change hearts." However, if a boycott is unsuccessful,
it proves the organization being boycotted is "hardened" and
"in the grip of the Devil." |
| Broken families |
Refers only to divorce and applies to ALL divorces. Families
are never "broken" or "shattered" by bad marriages,
domestic violence, child abuse, incest, or molestation. |
| Bureaucrat |
A Democrat working for the government. A "public servant"
is a Republican working for the government. |
| Career |
The greatest deception ever perpetrated upon women by "radical
feminists" and one of the primary causes for The Breakdown Of The
Family. Careers for women are "destructive" and "unfulfilling"
compared to full-time child-rearing and home-schooling. Women who attempt
to balance family and their own dreams are seen as "shirking their God-given
responsibility" and are responsible for creating another "generation
without values." |
| Christian |
Anyone who is a member of a right-wing Christian organization,
such as the Christian Coalition. Ant., "Godless atheist," q.v. |
| Christianity |
Conservative biblical literality. See "cult." |
| Civil rights |
The concept of equal legal rights; applies to everyone except
gay and lesbian Americans, for whom equal rights become "special"
rights (q.v.). |
| Compassion |
The feeling you say you are expressing when you attack people
you hate (especially homosexuals), so that you don't have to feel guilty.
See "gay bashing," "death penalty." |
| Conservative |
See "God." |
| Criminal |
Someone who breaks the law unless the law has anything
to do with guns, selling arms to Iran, or refusing to pay taxes, in which
case he is a "victim of society" (q.v.). |
| Criminal rights |
Should be ignored unless said criminal is a member of a
wacko religious cult or is a firearms dealer. |
| Cult |
Any religious organization that does not practice conservative
biblical literalism, e.g., the Society of Friends, the Episcopal Church. |
| Death penalty |
A form of punishment not used often enough. Most right-wing
Christians long for the day when this is implemented against gays and
lesbians. (See "Compassion.") The only time the death penalty
is not considered "God's mighty judgment" is when a death row
inmate has become a born-again Christian. Then, the death penalty
is "unnecessary" and seen as an "impediment to further
ministry" by the inmate slated for execution. |
| Deception |
Term describing the state of being a fellow Christian is
in if he disagrees with you on a social or theological issue. For example,
if another Christian holds views that are pro-choice, pro-gay rights,
or anti-death penalty, then she/he is "deceived." If the same
Christian makes a logical, reasoned argument for his position, then
he is "misled." If the same Christian also makes a Scriptural
argument for their position, then they are "false teachers,"
"rebellious," and guilty of "twisting the Word." See
"Liberal." |
| Disney |
The main force behind The Collapse of Traditional Moral
Values, and one of society's greatest threats to The Family, second only
to gays and lesbians. Responsible for creating and popularizing the idea
of domestic partner benefits. |
| Domestic partner benefits |
Given by most progressive businesses and large corporations
years before Disney offered them. Seen as a sign of "collapsing moral
values" and as one of the largest threats to The Family. Main impetus
for implementing The Boycott, but only against certain companies. See
"Disney." |
| Domestic violence |
A mythical problem that does not affect The Family, does
not injure or kill Christian women or children, and is never to be addressed. |
| Dominion theology |
Based on the verse in Genesis in which Yahweh gives humanity (specifically, men)
dominion over the Earth, Dominionism (also called reconstructionism) teaches that
right-wing fundamentalist Christians must bring all societies around the world under the rule
of God — that is, under the rule of their version of Christianity. Dominionists,
including George W. Bush, are attempting to peacefully convert the laws of the
United States so that they match the laws of the Hebrew Scriptures (which they
call the Old Testament).
Once the world has willingly accepted their version of the Kingdom of God,
religious freedom will not be tolerated; all religions and religious organizations
that are not strict fundamentalists will be suppressed — forbidden to worship,
proselytize, or even assemble. Any person who attempts to follow his or her
non-Dominionist beliefs outside the confines of his/her home will be tried for idolatry and
executed. Blasphemy, adultery, and homosexuality will also be capital offenses.
Specifically, Reconstructionists:
- Reject antinomianism; that is,
they believe that faith alone will not bring about salvation, but must be
accompanied by good works and living a right-wing fundamentalist lifestyle;
- Accept that every word of the Bible is literally factual (even the songs,
poetry, and fables);
- Worship the Bible as being as inerrant as God is;
- Believe that Christ will not return to Earth until most of the Earth
practices Dominionism;
- Interpret the 613 laws of the Mosaic Code as being either ceremonial or
moral (the high priest doesn't have to wear bells on his clothing, but
homosexuals and adulterous women (not men) must be stoned to death);
- Accept that God cannot change (despite all the Bible verses saying
otherwise) and therefore God's laws cannot change, except maybe the ones about
burying one's feces (Deut. 23:13) or building one's (adobe) house;
- Hold the laws of the Hebrew Scriptures has having primacy over the laws
of the Christian Testament, except in those cases where the Dominionists
prefer the latter;
- Criminalize all modern behavior that does not match Dominionist morality;
- Ban all marriages that are not of a Dominionist man to a Dominionist women
(e.g., interfaith, interracial, or same-sex marriage);
- Regard all non-Dominionist theology as being "of the Devil" (prominent
Dominionist theologian David Chilton wrote, "the god of Judaism is the
devil").
Dominionism is no joke. For example, the Air Force Academy is located
in Colorado Springs, which is to Dominionist theology as Rome is to Roman
Catholicism and Salt Lake City is to
Mormonism (both heresies that are to be ruthlessly excised). The Air Force Academy
is, at least early in 2005, actively promoting Dominionist theology and actively
harassing (or worse) any students who reject it. And George W. Bush (or, very
occasionally, a proxy) meets every
Monday morning with at least one Dominionist minister. |
| Elites |
Hollywood; anyone working to promote social change. Just
plain folks: corporations, Wall Street. The needy: Anyone who
makes more than $500,000 a year. The poor: Not out of sight,
out of mind, but rather, out of sight, nonexistent. |
| Evolution |
A kooky cult started by Charles Darwin. See intelligent design. |
| The Family |
Unit of: heterosexual male head of household married for
life to heterosexual female homemaker, with biological home-schooled children
conceived without birth control at least nine months after marriage in
conservative Bible-believing church. No exceptions. |
| Family values |
Censorship and gay-bashing. Alternate definition:
A mother and father who vote Republican and attend a conservative church,
raising two kids who are home-schooled or who attend a private school
in the suburbs. |
| Feminist |
Derogatory term for women who are insufficiently feminine, i.e., passive and submissive.
Responsible for: neglected children, teenage pregnancy, unemployed males,
poor SAT scores, breakdown of The Family. |
| Fundamentalism, Christian |
The greatest hope for the integrity of our Beloved Nation. |
| Fundamentalism, Islamic |
The greatest threat to the integrity of our Beloved Nation.
(Fact: Rush Limbaugh has said this many, many times.) |
| Gay/Lesbian |
Homosexual is the preferred term, as it focuses more explicitly
on sex. Homosexuality is a chosen lifestyle
that is unnatural, hated by God; it is either a mental disorder or an
addiction. It is caused either by childhood molestation or by having
a feminist mother. Right-wing conservatives believe that homosexuals, along with
feminists and liberals, are responsible for nearly all social ills (with
the possible exception of abortion). |
| Gay bashing |
Does not exist. Jesus hates all gay people as much as you do. That's why he is
said to have never married and is commonly believed to have wandered the countryside in a
men-only group of long-haired pacifists. God wants everyone to hate homosexuality and to
urge homosexuals to get therapy to "cure" their "addiction." |
| Gay Christians |
A contradiction in terms. Those who claim to exist are "trapped"
in a state of Deception, and are first in line for the Lake of Fire because
they "twist God's Word." To save them, right-wing Christians
must exercise "compassion" and tell them that God wants to kill
them. |
| God |
An old white man with a long, white beard, who lives above the sky and seldom interferes
with the affairs of men, much less women. Because Eve ate the fruit of the Tree of the Attractive
Nuisance, and then wickedly persuaded Adam to do it too, God condemned every life form
in the Universe to death and eternal agony in Hell, with the exception of those who have been "born
again" at least once and who await the Rapture (q.v.). That is, God took physical form as
Jesus of Nazareth so that he could
suffer and die upon the Cross and thus appease his own anger against human disobedience
— that is, appease himself. God's 36-hour ("three-day")
death is also a payoff to Satan, whom God has insufficient power to conquer, or else it is a
victory over Satan, who apparently did not want God to become human and die.
See "Republican." |
| Godless atheist |
Anyone who is not a member of a right-wing Christian organization;
especially, anyone who is a member of the Westar Institute, the Center for Progressive
Christianity, or similar godless liberal organizations. See also "Deceived." |
| Gravity |
Like evolution (q.v.), a "theory" that is not supported by such Bible passages
as 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17. Banned in Kansas. See also "intelligent design." |
| Hate crimes, Christian definition |
Do not exist. Just another lie from "militant radical
homosexual activists." |
| Hate speech, Islamist definition |
According to the Council for American-Islam Relations, hate
speech consists of any factual statement about Islam made by a non-Muslim,
e.g., any facts concerning slavery and genocide in the Sudan. |
| Heterosexuals |
Assumed to be everyone on earth, except
for a tiny number of "militant radical homosexual activists." |
| Hollywood |
The source of all evil in western civilization. Controlled
either by Disney, feminists, liberals, and "militant radical homosexual
activists," or Time/Warner when a new rap album is released. Also
known as "Mystery Babylon" and "the pit of Hell." |
| Homosexuals |
See gay/lesbian. Tiny minority of "militant radical activists"
seeking special rights, hiring quotas, and the destruction of The Family.
Recent phenomenon signalling The End Is Near. |
| Homosexual agenda, the |
Gay people exercising their rights to free speech and to
petition the government for redress of grievances. When right-wing Christians
engage in the same activity, it is called "grassroots citizen's movement." |
| Honor |
Not getting caught. |
| "I learned my lesson." |
"I got away with it." |
| Intelligent design |
The latest mask for creationism, "intelligent design" is a variation
of teleology — that is, the idea that the Universe is so complicated that it can't have
come about by accident. Therefore not only is there a God, but God wrote the Bible,
which makes the Bible literally factual, the first modern science textbook as well
as the first modern history textbook (predating Edward Gibbon by a mere 3,000 years!).
The principal difference between intelligent design and creationism is that
creationists reject evolution because it does not fit with their eisegetical
interpretation of the Bible (that is, they project their own biases into the Bible),
while proponents of intelligent design reject
evolution because they claim that natural selection implies that God does not
exist and therefore that the Universe
could not have been created — not even created to include natural selection.
Proponents of intelligent design insist that their system of suppositions ought to be taught in
science classrooms as an equivalent alternative to the "theory" of
evolution, despite the fact that theirs is not an empirical theory and requires
blind faith rather than fact to sustain it. It claims to be a science, but has nothing
but contempt for scientific method; in fact, it
is a metaphysic. |
| Jesus Christ |
A conservative Republican leader to whom some erroneously
attribute the phrases "love thy neighbor" and "turn the
other cheek." If he were alive today, he would drive an SUV (remember:
conservative doesn't mean conservationist!) and
support both preemptive warfare and the massive transfer of wealth from
the poor to the rich. |
| Judicial activism |
What liberal judges do. What conservative judges do is "sound
jurisprudence." |
| Judicial system |
Varying definitions. When ruling against you, the courts
are a sneaky way of subverting the "will of the people." Otherwise,
a perfectly acceptable way of enforcing God's Will. |
| Leech, welfare bum/queen |
Any person on the government dole, EXCEPT for corporations
receiving tax write-offs, ranchers and farmers receiving subsidies, and
defense contractors. |
| Liberal |
Anyone who shows human compassion, cares about social welfare, or reads such Commie
newspapers as The Washington Post. Alternate definition: an individual,
organization, or institution that is deceived. See "Deception." |
| Libertarianism |
Survival of the fittest and if you don't like it,
you don't deserve to survive. |
| Life |
At the moment at which a living sperm meets a living egg and forms a living blastomere,
human life doesn't just begin, it becomes indistinguishable from independent human personhood,
and therefore of greater value to society than its mother. A reasonable person
might suppose that a human becomes a person (rather than a blastomere, embryo,
or fetus) with a lot of help from first its mother and, after birth,
society. In fact, it is not true that A might become B, with a lot of help;
rather, A is indistinguishable from B from the moment of conception onward. (This
also holds true for people in persistent vegetative states, like Terri Schiavo. To
make any distinction between a person who can vote, drink alcohol, marry, and own
property and a blastomere, or Terri Schiavo, is to condemn oneself to the fires
of Hell for all eternity.) |
| Materialism |
Does not exist; therefore, not an issue. Massive personal
wealth among leaders of organizations you support (especially televangelists
and friends of George W. Bush) is further evidence
of God's favor. |
| Media |
No such thing. Always "liberal, secular, biased
media." Responsible for teenage pregnancy, abortion, illiteracy, sexual addictions,
earthquakes, and the breakdown of The Family. |
| Militant |
Never applied to political positions you agree with. Militant
pro-lifers, militant pro-family-ists, and militant Christians are all
contradictions in terms. |
| NRA |
Smiled upon by God, because they defend the Second Amendment
of the Bill of Rights. See "ACLU." |
| Persecution |
Suffered if your position on an issue is actively opposed.
Examples of "persecution" include investigative journalistic
reporting, any lawsuit filed against your church organization by the ACLU,
or being yelled at by people whom you have harassed by fax or phone or
whom you have misrepresented in your fund-raising materials. |
| Physician |
Any doctor except those who perform abortions. Physicians
who perform abortions are "abortionists," who are or who are
in league with "baby-killers." |
| Political correctness |
Left-wing lockstep groupthink conformism. Simple common
sense: Right-wing lockstep groupthink conformism. |
| Pro-family politician |
Any thrice-divorced, wife-beating Republican congressman late on child-support
payments who is against gay marriage. |
| Pro-life |
Anyone who is willing to murder adult human beings, especially
doctors and women (and especially women doctors!), in order to preserve
the life of a blastomere, embryo, or fetus. After children are born, and particularly
after they turn 16, capital punishment is just fine. |
| Putting wings to prayers |
Really means political activity, but call it this in order
to retain your tax-exempt status. |
| Radical |
Applied to anyone who disagrees with you. Thus, "radical"
homosexuals, "radical" feminists, "radical" environmentalists.
Right-wing Christians are not radical, they are "committed"
and "focused." |
| Rapture |
According to 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17, Paul wrote, "Jesus will personally
come down from heaven with a shout, at the sound of the archangel's voice and the trumpet
of God, and those who have died in Christ will rise from the grave. After that we the
living, the survivors, will be caught up with them in the clouds to meet Jesus in
the air — and thenceforth we will be with Jesus unceasingly." Paul was writing
to a congregation of primitive Celts who were quarreling about whether dead Christians
would go to Heaven.
In 1830, John Darby, a prominent member of the Plymouth Brethren, was holding a
meeting at which a 15-year-old girl went into a quasi-trance and proclaimed that a
select group of believers would be removed from the earth before the days of
Antichrist, and that other believers would have to live through a period of
tribulation on earth. Darby spread this pre-tribulation rapture teaching in
Europe and later in the United States.
The Rapture theory was given an enormous boost
in the United States when the 1917 Scofield Bible included footnotes about it.
For right-wing fundamentalists, the only point of discussion is whether the
Rapture will come pre-tribulation or post-tribulation. The fact that the Rapture is
in and of itself totally against the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth is irrelevant. |
| Reconstructionism |
"Every area dominated by sin" — for example, homosexuality and feminism
— "must be reconstructed according to the Bible." — Andrew
Saldlin. See Dominionism, for which reconstructionism is a somewhat more
socially acceptable euphemism. |
| Rehabilitation |
Sending a minister or priest who has been caught molesting
children or teens or raping women to a different congregation or parish. |
| Religion |
What should be taught in public schools instead of godless
Communist science. |
| Republican |
Barely distinguishable from "God," q.v. |
| Republican party |
A political party that welcomes all conservatives, as long
as they are pro-life, pro-gun, pro-Big Business, pro-oil, pro-war, and
anti-everything else. Democratic party: Communist. |
| Rigged election |
What Slobodan Milosevic tried to do in Yugoslavia in 2000.
Free and fair election: What Karl Rove, Katherine Harris (Florida Secretary of State / Co-Chair of the Florida Republican campaign), and the "Should
Have Recused Myself Gipper and Poppy Five" did in 2000 and Karl Rove, Kenneth Blackwell (Ohio Secretary of State / Co-Chair of the Ohio Republican campaign), and the Diebold Corporation did in 2004. |
| Ronald Reagan |
The greatest president in U.S. history. |
| Same-sex marriage |
An abomination unto the Lord, as are interfaith marriages and interracial marriages.
(The right of free citizens of a democracy to enter into binding legal contracts is
taken for granted in most of the free world.) |
| Scholarship, science |
Any work such as The Bell Curve, The American Spectator,
or The Limbaugh Letter; any work promoting the "theory" of intelligent design, q.v. |
| Social engineering (syn., social experimentation) |
Term for the "activist agendas" of
political opponents. Opposite is the "natural God-given plan,"
as defined only by right-wing fundamentalist Christians. |
| "Special" rights |
Applied only to gay and lesbian Americans. Refers to marriage,
adoption, and other rights taken for granted by heterosexuals. |
| Subversive elements of society |
Bookstores, coffeehouses, art galleries, and
other liberal hangouts, especially those in major cities. |
| Supreme Court |
"Activist" when ruling against you. But "evidence
of the mighty hand of God" when ruling in your favor or in the case
of Clarence Thomas. |
| Supreme Court appointments |
Varying definitions. A presidential right, if president
is Republican. Called "stacking the court" if president
is Democrat. |
| Ten percent |
A lie about the percentage of the population that is gay
or lesbian popularized by "militant radical homosexual activists,"
when in fact right-wing Christian organizations have "proven"
the figure is closer to one percent. How one percent of the population
is responsible for The Destruction Of The Family is never clearly explained.
See "Avoiding Difficult Questions." |
| Tort reform |
A slap on the wrist is the only acceptable punishment for
illegal or unethical activities by corporations. However, the full weight
of the law must be thrown at individuals who attempt to sue corporations
for illegal or unethical activities. |
| Traditional values |
The classic values and morals that made America great, such
as lynching blacks, beating up gays, and keeping the "little woman"
barefoot, pregnant, and in servitude. |
| Transvestite |
A man in a dress (exception: a Scotsman in a kilt, male
clergy in religious frocks). Does not apply to women, because it's acceptable
now (Laura Bush does it) for women to wear slacks, jeans, and pantsuits. |
| Unitarian |
See "cult." |
| Victim of society |
Any conservative white male, because no one in human history
has ever suffered as he is now suffering. |
| "Will of the people" |
Used only when the public votes your way. Acceptable method
of denying constitutional rights of minorities. Never used when public
opinion is against you (i.e. abortion, doctor-assisted suicide, etc.). |
| Wise use of limited natural resources |
Using it all up before the Rapture. |
| Women |
See "wives," "mothers," or "homemakers." No
other definition available. |
| Youth |
For a Republican, any period preceding last week; for a
minority, ends at age six. Youthful indiscretion: Any crime or
moral failing committed by a Republican. Evil: Any crime or moral
failing committed by anyone else. |