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Extremely Smart Humor

There are only a few items up here now, but there will be more.

Dr. Seuss: “Did the chicken cross the road?
Did she cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why she crossed, I’ve not been told!”

February 2003

Confused about the difference between socialism, Communism, and the politics of huge corporations? This basic “dictionary” may help.
Feudalism: You have two cows. The lord of the manor takes some of the milk. And all the cream.

January 2004

Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

August 2003

Are you confused by the strange glossary of terms used by politically active right-wing Christians and organizations like Focus on the Family, the American Family Association, the Catholic Campaign for America, the Eagle Forum, Women Affirming Life, and the Christian Coalition? Wonder no more!

Cult Any religious organization that does not practice conservative biblical literalism, e.g., the Society of Friends, the Episcopal Church.

(. . . This is actually a compilation of several versions of "The Right-Wing Conservative Dictionary" and "The Conservative Dictionary" as they appear on the Internet. Republicans will not be amused.)

March 2003

Your web-spinner regrets to inform you that this is not humor, although it is presented as such. Every statement in this résumé is true and can be verified easily almost anywhere.

May 2003

This page provides the punch line to every shaggy dog joke (also occasionally called feghoot) that ever was. For example: "The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the squaws of the other two hides."

This page not only presents, in table form, a complete typical day of a diet designed for women whose jobs are stressful, it also gives such useful diet tips as, "Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the food."

There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Pick a nice day, [The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] suggests, and try it.

What's the difference between female prosecutors and terrorists?
. . . You can negotiate with terrorists.


Religious Humor
 

You've heard about 666 being the number of the Beast, but do you know the Beast's zip code?

Some of the ways that beer is better than religion, and vice-versa.

For example: Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

For example: A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Suppose you're traveling to work and you see a stop sign. What do you do? That depends on how you, the exegete, interpret the stop sign.
1. A post-modernist deconstructs the sign (knocks it over with the car), ending forever the tyranny of the north-south traffic over the east-west traffic.

Televangelists — Tell you "stuff" won't happen to you if you send in your love offering.

By Julie Davis and Barbara Firehock, this hilarious translation begins:

Who can find a virtuous man?
      For his worth is far above chocolate.

Four eminent theologians answer Jesus's question. . . .

38635 : 05Jul25

Jerry Merchant and Mary Matthews


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