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Top Biblical Ways To Acquire a Wife
(Found on the Internet)
The top Biblical ways to acquire a wife. . . .
- Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and
give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
- Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)
- Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. (Moses,
Exodus 2:16-21)
- Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. (Boaz, Ruth
4:5-10)
- Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her
off to be your wife. (Benjaminites, Judges 21:19-25)
- Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked
into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you
wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. (Jacob,
Genesis 29:15-30)
- Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a
wife. (David, I Samuel 18:27)
- Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone
(it's all relative, of course). (Cain, Genesis 4:16-17)
- Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Xerxes or
Ahasuerus, Esther 2:3-4)
- When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a
. . . woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision,
simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." (Samson, Judges 14:1-3)
- Kill any husband and take HIS wife (prepare to lose four sons, though). (David, 2
Samuel 11)
- Wait for your brother to die and marry his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the
Law!) (Onan and Boaz, among many others; Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in
Ruth)
- Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. (Solomon, 1 Kings 11:1-3)
- A wife? . . . NOT! (Paul, 1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
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