Beer Versus Religion

Some of the Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Religion:

• When you have a beer, you don't knock on strangers' doors trying to give it away.
• Almost no one has ever been shamed for drinking the wrong brand of beer.
• Beer has never caused a major war.
• You know exactly what you're getting when you ask for a beer.
• A six-pack of religion doesn't quench your thirst.
• Beer doesn't tell you how, when, or why to have sex or not to have sex.
• Very few people have ever forced beer on anyone.
• Nobody's ever been drawn and quartered, hanged, or tortured over beer.
• You don't have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second beer.
• Once you've paid for your beer, you're not expected to keep making contributions to the brewery.
• You can prove that your beer exists.
• If you've devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.
• You don't burn the barmaid at the stake if she offers you a different brand of beer.
• No one will kill you for not drinking beer.

Some of the Reasons Why Religion Is Better than Beer:

• Too much religion does not induce vomiting.
• There's no chance of waking up in bed naked with an unattractive stranger after too much religion.
• Jesus is free; beer starts at $2.50 a six-pack.
• Religion has a lot fewer calories.
• Holy water doesn't affect your sense of balance.
• How many fistfights do you see in a church?
• Religion won't give you a hangover.
• Your spouse won't complain that your breath stinks of religion.
• You can have as much religion as you like, and still drive home later.
• Your religion won't shatter if you drop it on the ground.
• You can shake up your religion, and it won't explode.
• You don't have to get your stomach pumped for overdosing on religion.
• The day after going to church, you can remember everything that happened.
• You don't have to worry about getting religion stains on your clothes.
• Saying "Oh, God!" is much more fun in church than kneeling over the toilet.
• The police won't arrest you for accepting Jesus under age.
• It's okay to drive and be open to Jesus.
• Jesus was crucified for our sins — beer is just pasteurized.
• Jesus comes in a handy one-pack.
• Jesus is who you need in emergencies — beer is only useful when you find a burning bush.
• Try driving a nail through a can of beer and see what happens.
• Beer just doesn't have the same after-sales service that you get from religion.
• Too much religion won't kill you. (Perhaps just the opposite!)