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George Bush versus Jesus Christ: Smackdown!

Jesus Christ

George W. Bush

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are the warmakers, for war shall exalt thy president; his success in Iraq shall prove that Dubya is a manlier man than his daddy.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for standing up for what they believe is right and true, for theirs is God's Domain. Blessed are those who persecute homosexuals, women, liberals, and blacks, for theirs is the Neocon's Empire.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the special interests, for they shall receive special consideration.
Blessed are the poor, for theirs is God's Domain. Blessed are the wealthy, for they shall make big donations to neocons.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Evil is the estate tax, for it taketh away money from the wealthy.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled. Blessed is Karl Rove, for he knows how to organize lies and character smears to put down my opponents.
Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Blessed are you when you revile your political opponents and persecute them and utter all kinds of evil falsely against them (e.g., “swiftboating”), for you shall consolidate your political power.
Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. Give to the wealthy, take from the poor, and do not refuse the one who would lend money to you, for that way you can create the largest deficit in United States history, a debt whose payment will never, ever come due.
Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's. Render unto the wealthy the things that belong to all the nation, and cut the programs that serve those who are not wealthy.
Be not afraid. Love thy enemies. Red alert! 9/11, 9/11, 9/11! An attack on you could come at any moment! Only I can protect you from terrorism and natural disasters! We must kill the terrorists!
Judge not, lest you be judged. Homosexuals are evil. Liberals are evil. Women who want to make their own health-care decisions are evil. Anyone who isn't a far-right fundangelical Dominionist is evil, especially terrorists and Quakers. Anyone who disagrees with the neocons' ideology is evil.
Do not resist one who is evil, but if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to that one your other cheek. Invent false evidence proving that a certain man is evil, and engage in preemptive warfare against him.
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
 
 
 
 
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
 
 
 
 
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
 
 
 
 
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
 
 
 
 
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
 
 
 
 
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
 
 
 
 
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
 
 
 
 
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
 
 
 
 
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
 
 
 
 
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
 
 
 
 
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
 
 
 
 
Saddam was in league with Osama. [Osama who? Osama bin Forgotten.] Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. Saddam wanted to buy yellow-cake uranium from Niger. Iraq is an imminent threat. War against Iraq will be a slam-dunk, with “Mission Accomplished” in just days. I never said Iraq is an imminent threat. John Kerry, a war hero, is a coward, and I, who ran away from Viet Nam, am a war hero. There never was an August 6, 2001 memorandum entitled, "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside the United States." Any budget deficits I might run up will be small and temporary. I don't believe in nation-building. The prescription drug benefit for seniors will cost less than half of what the GAO says it will cost. No Child Left Behind provides a valid means of assessing student progress that all teachers will endorse, and that will cost nothing to implement. The "Clean Air" bill, which allows utilities not to install pollution-fighting equipment previously required by the government, will result in clean air. The "Healthy Forests" bill, nicknamed "logging without laws," will result in healthy forests. Social Security will be bankrupt within just a few years. I work hard. It's a good idea to let special interests write the legislation that gives pork to special interests. Castro welcomes sex tourism. No one could have foreseen the breach of the levees. Global warming is just a theory, and certainly has no relationship whatsoever to increasingly deadly hurricanes. Studies that prove that whites get better health care than blacks do not exist. I care about people who are not wealthy, who are not special interests, and who do not donate to neocon causes.
Thou shalt not bear false witness. I'm compassionate.
5963 : 05Sep13

Jerry Merchant and Mary Matthews


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